We all do it. When something in our life goes wrong or
doesn’t work out the way we want it to, we have this compulsion to continually
think about. For some of us, we can
become quite obsessed about it. We talk
to other people about it. We search the
internet. We have intimate dialogues in
our head as we analyze it. Rationalize
it. Defend our behaviours. We even have imaginary conversations with
those individuals who we deemed have wronged us. Round and round we go.
It doesn’t matter whether it is a failed
relationship, a job loss, a dismal health prognosis, the death of someone or
even a stupid argument; we as humans have this need to troll through our memory
banks searching for the answers. Why did this happen to me? What could I have done differently? When did this chain of pain begin?
To add to the dialogues of what
happened, some of us begin creating alternative scenarios. If only I would have done this then that
wouldn’t have happened. Or I should have
done this or said that. Or I could have.
The problem with would have, could have
and should have statements is they are usually breeding grounds for guilt, anger,
shame, doubt, regret and blame. They are
also based on what you already now know.
When the situation happened you didn’t have the foresight you now
already possess.
Although perceptions after the fact are
sometimes good for future situations, they do little to change what has happened. In addition, many times our constant thinking
about what we could have done differently is spun in a way that makes us think
the outcome would have been better. It
might have or it might not.
We have all heard the story about the
individual fired from their job only to find the job of their dreams a few
months later. The person who was a
workaholic and was faced with a health crisis that forced them to changed their
lifestyle for the better. Sometimes from
our present standpoint we only see the negative not understanding that what has
happened may have been the necessary catalyst for you to improve or change your
life.
When our thoughts are focused on what has
happened, we end up locking ourselves in a vibrational pattern which does not
serve us. It actually anchors
us to the situation, and makes it difficult view the situation from a
higher perspective. So how do you shift
your thinking when you are in the middle of a bad situation?
1.
Move to Appreciation
– Sit down at your computer and starting writing statements which start
with: I appreciate... Keep typing until you feel an energy shift.
2.
Use the 68
second rule to modify your thinking.
3.
Recognize that everything in life is just an experience. What has happened has happened. Give up rationalizing it and eliminate the:
would have, could have or should have scenarios from your internal and external
dialogues.
4.
You cannot change the past, however you can change your perception of
it. Revise
it.
5.
You are where you are and if you keep telling the same old story you
will get the same old crap. Give up the
old and focus on what
you do want in your life.
6.
Breath. Your breathing is tied to
your emotions. If you are angry, your
breathing is rapid. Anxious it is
shallow. Focus on taking long, slow deep
breaths and you will find your body will start to relax and your thinking will
change.
7.
Change any statements starting with: ‘If only...’ to ‘I wonder what
would happen if...’
8.
In First Nation traditions we use an herb called sage to clear out
negative energies. The herb is placed in
an abalone shell, lit and the smoke from it is circulated throughout a
room. They now sell this herb in smudge
sticks which can be lit and circulated throughout a room.
9.
Take a 20 minute hot bath. Throw in
two cups of Epsom or sea salts. You can
also add 10 drops of lavender essential oil, cedar branches, or 3 tablespoons
of green clay. If you are really going
down a negative road, use them all.
10.
Start looking forward. To move
your dialogue to the positive begin with:
“I am so looking forward to...”
Thank you! This is really helpful!!
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